nettle’s blog

sigh

nobody@vox.com(Nettle) — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 16:01:45 -0700

God made mud.
God got lonesome.
So God said to some of the mud, "Sit up!"
"See all I've made," said God, "the hills, the sea, the sky, the stars."
And I was some of the mud that got to sit up and look around.
Lucky me, lucky mud.
I, mud, sat up and saw what a nice job God had done.
Nice going, God.
Nobody but you could have done it, God! I certainly couldn't have.
I feel very unimportant compared to You.
The only way I can feel the least bit important is to think of all the mud that didn't even get to sit up and look around.
I got so much, and most mud got so little.
Thank you for the honor!
Now mud lies down again and goes to sleep.
What memories for mud to have!
What interesting other kinds of sitting-up mud I met!
I loved everything I saw!
Good night.
I will go to heaven now.
I can hardly wait...
To find out for certain what my wampeter was...
And who was in my karass...
And all the good things our karass did for you.
Amen.

bye bye Kurt Vonnegut

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QotD: I Knew You Were Going To Ask That

nobody@vox.com(Nettle) — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 05:15:44 -0700

Do you have a sixth sense? How do you experience it?

I am a food psychic. I can look at any restaurant and tell you if it's good or not. What's more, you can set me down in any unfamiliar neighborhod, anywhere, and I can find a good restaurant. I have been known to tow people for three or four blocks because "I know there's a good place to eat down this way..." even if I've never been there before, and I'm always right.

It's a very handy talent, especially while traveling, but it has its drawbacks. I can also tell when a place is not good, and I won't eat there if my food psychic sense tell me not to. Unfortunately, there are wide stretches of territory where there is nothing good to eat, and my pickiness has been known to annoy traveling companions. On the other hand, it's kind of satisfying when traveling down the interstate, and my companions are grumbling because they're hungry and I won't stop because "there's nothing good there anyway," and I suddenly say, "Oh, oh, take this exit!" and guide them to that cute little diner with the great pie, or the unexpectedly fantastic Chinese takeout place, or the Mexican place where nobody speaks English but the food is perfect.

I'm a food psychic. It's what I do.

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QotD: Three Wishes!

nobody@vox.com(Nettle) — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 16:28:13 -0700

If you could have three wishes from a genie, what would they be?
Submitted by tatteredhalo.

Anyone familiar with folklore, or who has watched enough episodes of The Twilight Zone, knows how dangerous wishes can be. Wish for world peace? Every human being drops dead. Wish for fame and fortune? Suddenly you have a billion dollars that turns out to be stolen and you are a famous criminal. You know how it goes - there are always loopholes, and the genie is always out to get you. I think it was a Simpsons episode, too.

I need to be careful about wording these wishes, then, because to be on the safe side I have to assume a malicious genie. While I would love to have world peace, or an end to environmental degradation, or Bush out of office, it seems like the bigger the wish, the bigger the potential screw-ups. I've also got this ethical problem with imposing my will on others using magic. So, in the interests of not making things worse for everyone, I'm keeping my wishes small and selfish.

1. I wish that I really enjoyed exercising - like, as much as I enjoy eating chocolate or playing video games. I want exercise to feel like a special happy treat every time I do it.
2.I wish my life to work itself out such that, without bringing harm to disablitiy to myself or others, I have the time and financial wherewithal to really pursue the things I'm passionate about.
3. My third wish is something that I can't share in public yet. But I wish it. Oh, how I wish it.

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All the charm of a scholarly work, with the scholarship of a popular history

nobody@vox.com(Nettle) — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 17:04:45 -0800

The Druids

Peter Berresford Ellis

Ellis' "The Druids" a a study of the ancient Druids, combining archaeology and references from classical literature in order to describe what is and isn't known about the intellectual caste of the ancient Celts. Ellis explicitly states that he wants to dispel some of the wild speculations and popular myths that surround the Druids, and give us "the reality of what was once Druidism."

This is one of those books that is on every reading list of every Druid group there is. It's always held up as important reading for the scholarly-minded student of Druidry. The ADF reading list calls it "the best modern survey of what we know and don't know about the Celtic Druids" [http://www.adf.org/training/resources/reading.html]. My own order, the AODA, has it first on the list of recommended books for Second Degree studies of historical druids [http://www.aoda.org/books2.htm].The Henge of Keltria has it as one of the top 5 picks on the subject [http://www.keltria.org/Publications/Bookstore.htm].

See what I did there? I made a particular claim - that it is considered important reading. Then, I named several well-respected sources to back up that claim and included specific information allowing the reader to check my sources. This technique accomplishes several things. First, it shows that I have done my research on this subject - I'm not making it up. Second, it shows that I am relying on particular sources - not my neighbor Joe, not some guy's blog, but the actual websites of the Druid groups in question. Third, and most importantly in my opinion, it shows a level of respect both for my own writing and for the reader. I respect my own writing enough to assume that the reader is taking it seriously, and I respect my readers enough to provide them with an easy way to get more information if they want to find out what else is on those reading lists. This is why we cite sources. It's not some arcane scholarly practice; it's just good common sense, especially when doing the kind of writing that Ellis does in this book. Drawing from multiple sources both ancient and modern, Ellis synthesizes this material and adds his own interpretation to give us an overview of what is and isn't known about the ancient Druids.

Except, he doesn't cite his sources. Most of the time the reader has to guess as to whether what we're getting is Ellis' interpretation or someone else's. He sometimes makes vague comments in the text - "Diodorus Siculus says that..." or "Pliny writes that..." or "Nora Chadwick claims..." . Even then, without some kind of citation, the reader is left to flounder around - there's a quote from Strabo on page 174 that is a perfect example of this. "An examination of this... in Strabo's work has been translated as:" followed by a quote in English. This is extremely frustrating. I'm assuming it's the Jones translation of 1923 because of the language style, and because that's the commonly used one (it might be the only complete translation - I'm not sure.) I shouldn't have to guess, though. As a Greek scholar, I would love to look up the passage and read it in the original; the translation as given looks a little odd - what would Greek for "trousers" be? or "plaid"? I would have to look to another source to find out, though, because Ellis not only leaves out the name of the translator but entirely neglects to cite where in all of the Geography the passage appears. Ellis apparently assumes that his readers don't actually care where he got all this information. This is just one example of something that happens over and over again in the book - an interesting tidbit is held out, but only a little nibble is offered. So, in spite of what some have claimed, this is not actually a scholarly work at all. It's a popular history, intended for those who won't be interested in reading much else on the subject.

This is OK - popular histories certainly have their place. Generally, they are light, breezy, easily digested and interesting to people from many walks of life. Parts of this book succeed very well in that respect. I loved the chapter on "The Wisdom of the Druids," after I had resigned myself to the citation issue. Others are far too heavy-handed; he makes it clear that he does not think classical sources can be trusted and that he does not believe that there is any evidence for human sacrifice among the ancient Celts. Then he makes it clear again. And again. I found his contortions to try to explain away the Lindow Man to be kind of funny - he is so completely invested in the idea that the ancient Celts did not do human sacrifices that he cannot face the fact that it is a perfectly legitimate interpretation in some cases. This particular hobby-horse of his is problematic, because it reveals his particular biases on the subject, and the reader is left to wonder about whatall of the less-obvious biases might be. Popular histories are the most fun when the author's voice comes through clearly, as long as the author is bright and witty and charming. When Ellis' voice does come through, he just sounds peevish. This book has all the charm and verve of a scholarly work, with the scholarship level of a popular history.

He has the usual concluding chapter saying the usual ridiculous things about modern Druidry. I came to the conclusion long ago that authors use this sort of thing as a shield. Certain topics are highly suspect in the academic world: Druids, witches, goddesses, drugs, the occult, and magic can ruin a scholar's reputation. By clearly indicating that they think that the vast majority of what is written on these subjects is trash, and by making fun of people who take these things seriously, the scholar says to his peers, "See, l'm not one of those people. Those people are nuts. I'm serious, I'm not like them, I'm like you." It's a version of schoolyard bullying. Ellis says, on page 280: "I have encountered many calling themselves 'New Age Celts,' usually not Celtic by culture, preaching harmony with nature, fighting to protect endangered species of animal and plant life, who have stared in incomprehension when it has been pointed out that the Celtic civilization itself is struggling in a last-ditch attempt to survive in the modern world." I would bet money that this never happened. First of all, I don't know of anyone anywhere who calls themselves a "New Age Celt." I googled the term to see if I was missing something, and found very few references to the term. Some referred to a musical style, some referred back to this very quote, and some used the term to make fun of Celtic-influenced spirituality. I didn't see anyone calling themselves a "New Age Celt." I'm trying to imagine this conversation:

N.A.C.: Hi, I'm a New Age Celt, I do lots of work to protect endangered species and I feel it's really important to live in harmony with nature.
P.B. E.: But the Celtic civilization itself is struggling in a last-ditch attempt to survive in the modern world!
N.A.C.: Um, yeah... (tries to think of something placating to say to this conversational non sequitir) umm... really?
P.B.E. Aha! I see you staring in dumb incomprehension.

It just doesn't ring at all true as a real exchange between actual people. I think it's another hobby-horse of the author's - the perceived lack of involvement with the Celtic nationalist movement by people who claim Celtic influences on their spirituality, and he made up these "many New Age Celts" to illustrate that point.

With all of that said, I would still recommend this book to anyone studying Druidry. It's been very influential among people that Ellis would call "New Age Celts" and I think it's appropriate that we read this as part of our education. If I were to recommend just one book about the ancient Druids, it wouldn't be this one, but if I were to make a list, this would be on it. There are, as I said, good parts - you just have to wade through the speculation and vague references to get there.

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There is nothing wrong with me.

nobody@vox.com(Nettle) — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 19:52:37 -0800

I had to look something up for an article on autism and accidentally stumbled into a whole world of autistic bloggers. Below are three that I particularly enjoyed reading:

Autism Demonized
Autism Diva
Ballastexistenz (this one is more than just enjoyable - it's absolutely mindblowing)

I love these voices because they sound so fearlessly individual. It has to be a horrible thing to have your entire outlook on life, your brain structure - everything about you, really - pathologized.

When I was a kid they sent me to the school psychologist because I was, you know, not like other kids. I was the kid who sat and read books about dragons while the other kids did whatever it is kids do on a playground. I felt closer to my cat than to any human, and I once got in trouble with a neighbor for talking to his tree. Plus, of course, everyone knew my parents were freaks.

I knew what was up with the psychologist, of course. I'd prepped by reading "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" I knew that this person was a danger to me, because he would try to turn everything I liked about myself into a problem to be solved. I also had a habit of going into every situation assuming that I was smarter than any adult, and in this case my assumption was completely affirmed. He showed me a bunch of pictures and asked some canned questions and adminstered some tests. It was painfully obvious what the "right" answer was - how a normal kid would answer - and it was the easiest thing in the world to tell him what he wanted to hear.

He must have stamped "SANE" on my file because I never saw him again and no one ever mentioned it again. However, I knew that my true answers were not really the same as the answers I gave. I had already picked up on the fact that many people saw something wrong about me - there's nothing like a pack of schoolchildren to make that abundantly clear - but as far as I was concerned they had something wrong with them and life was fine as long as they weren't actually bothering me. (This very funny site actually pretty much sums up how I felt.) I knew from then on that there were people out there who would try to cure me of being "me," and I felt passionately opposed to that process. It's that voice that I identify with in the autism blogs.

There was not, in fact, anything wrong with me. I was just a bright kid who was very introverted and had a mom that dressed me funny. I had no pathological behaviors - I did well in school, I didn't have many friends but the ones I had were very close, and besides some fits of teenage depression I was happy. As long as I was alone (or on a horse - by "alone" I realize what I mean is "away from humans" - I never actually felt "alone" when surrounded by trees), outdoors, in the woods I was totally happy, and I was fortunate enough to live where that was easy to accomplish.

However, if I did not have a deep distrust of authority, a feral sense of self-preservation, and age-inappropriate reading material, I might have thought that psychiatrist was there to help me. I might have answered honestly. I could have been transformed magically into a Disabled Person. I might have been labeled and stuck in a slot, and worse, I might even have believed it.

I found, as I was going through these blogs, a couple of different screening instruments for autism spectrum conditions - I answered honestly this time, since nothing was riding on the outcome. No surprise, I test positive for Asperger's. I don't believe it, though. Not that I don't believe that I have these characteristics, that I share a collection of behavioral traits with a particular population, or that these traits are different from most of the population. What I don't believe is that this is a disease, or a disorder, or a disability, or any of those words that imply that it's something to be fixed. I function quite well, actually, and generally I like myself and my life.

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QotD: First Celebrity Crush

nobody@vox.com(Nettle) — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:03:17 -0800

Who was your first celebrity crush?
Submitted by Glory.

I'm not sure I've ever had a "celebrity crush" - my crushes are generally on fictional characters. Usually, if I've fallen in love with a fictional character who is played by a particular actor, I find I have no attraction at all to the actor if he's in another role or being interviewed as himself.

My first crush like this that I can recall came when I was in fourth grade or so. I remember it was fourth grade because I clearly remember gazing out the window and coming up with stories in my head about me interacting with this particular character, and that window was definitely in my fourth grade classroom. I have to confess that as a fourth grader I was deeply in love with Barnabas Collins, from Dark Shadows.

I don't understand it one little bit. It's just not right. I never told anyone - all the other little girls gushed about cute-boy pop stars, but who did I want? The creepy old vampire dude. I pretended to appreciate the cute-boys, because it was expected of me (I did that often as a child, about many things), but I never really did. It was Barnabas for me.

Barnabas

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Avalon Within

nobody@vox.com(Nettle) — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 19:45:21 -0800

Avalon Within: Inner Sovereignty and Personal Transformation Through the Avalonian Mysteries

I read this book this week, while I was on my Internet fast and reading all the stuff on my shelf that I hadn't gotten to yet. It uses the Avalonian landscape - that is, landscape features from the vicinity of Glastonbury Tor - as the basis for a fivefold system that combines the Western magical tradition with the Mabinogion and a large helping of feminist psychology. To be honest, I wasn't expecting very much. I love working with women and female-centered magical groups have a particular energy all their own that I miss. However, such groups far too often fall into becoming annoying bitch sessions with lots of poor-meism, combined with shallow pop psychologizing.

Um, anyway, I was pleasantly surprised by the book. I do find psychology personally annoying, but that doesn't mean it can't be a valuable tool. To my surprise, the author really does know her way around the Western magical tradition and makes some impressively high-level observations - she seems to have done a great deal of her homework. I hope that doesn't sound condescending - I mean it with utmost respect. While there is ample room for plaintive bitching in the practices she gives, it's balanced out by an emphasis on taking that deep inner work and putting it to work in the outer world. I've started working with the system, and while it's too soon to make a comment about it, I like it so far. I am seriously thinking of joining the Sisterhood of Avalon, the associated order. I think it makes a good complement to my AODA work - the one complaint I have about the AODA is that there doesn't seem to be any acknowledgement of the varying experiences between the genders. It's not even really a complaint, but I do believe that there are women's and men's mysteries, and I want to keep that feminine power in my work. A woman's group would bring some more of that sort of thing into my life. I also checked their "required reading" list and saw that I have read all but two of those books, and that they include Franz Bardon, of all people, on the list - I can see where it is that she did her aforementioned homework. There is plenty of overlap with the AODA stuff - she even has a section of the book that talks about three-fold, four-fold, and five-fold systems that is very close to what is in the Handbook.

I have until Beltaine to decide -they only accept new members at certain times - so I'm going to work with this material a few times a week and see how I feel about it by then.

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internet fast!

nobody@vox.com(Nettle) — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 19:22:05 -0800

This evening concludes a one-week internet fast. Last weekend, I went deep into meditation, traveled into the Otherworld, and met with the wise old crone who is one of my spiritual guides. I said, "Help me, please, I feel tired and stuck, and my spiritual practice is beginning to feel hollow. What should I do? Help me, O wise one."

She said, "Stay off the Internet for a week. You spend too much time on that damn machine."

I said, "But... but... I use it for work. And what about my email?"

"You can do what you have to for your work and you can check your email, but only once a day."

"But... but... but..."

"Do what you want, but don't come asking for any more advice until you've done this. One week."

So, I did it. I also have no TV, so what this meant was that for an entire week, I had no access to any form of electronic pap. None at all. I got lots of reading done, worked on my crochet project, and did more meditating than usual, and here, a week later, I feel much more focused and like I have better direction. Ta-da!

I also found what I really missed was not the games or the casual surfing that I can waste so much time on, but the stuff like this blog here. I wanted to read what other people were saying and say my own stuff, and the time spent not doing that was missed. The other stuff? Meh.

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What do I want to be when I grow up?

nobody@vox.com(Nettle) — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 12:48:39 -0800

    I didn't get to start college until I was 25. For some reason, before the age of 25 if you are not married or a parent, you are considered dependent upon your parents for the purposed of educational financial aid. This means that at the very least, you need a parental signature and financial information on the forms to get any kind of grants or loans. I hope this has changed since then. During those years, neither parent was willing to do so - dad was still in and out of rehab and mom was, apparently, on another planet. I left home when I was 15 and supported myself by shoveling horse poo for ten years (not nearly as bad as it sounds - I was up to stable manager after a few years, which means less poo-shoveling, and those kinds of jobs come with housing, and - whee, ponies! - but the pay is awful and it's a dead end.) When I turned 25 I moved to the city and signed up for college classes right after my 25th birthday.
        For most of my life, work was where I went to get enough money to continue surviving, and more recently to survive and pay for books and for the next class. It hasn't always been easy, but simple survival is no longer such an issue. I'm not rich by any means but I have learned my way around the world well enough that I find I have the luxury of thinking about doing what I want to do rather than doing what I have to do.
    After finishing undergrad I signed up right away for an MLIS - Master's in Library and Information Science. I thought I wanted to be a librarian. I had good reasons for thinking so - I like books, I like libraries, I have a passion for putting things in neat order, and hey, I already have the wardrobe. My closet if full of cardigans, all my shoes are sensible, and I totally rock a bun.
    In the meantime, one of those survival jobs I took on in college suddenly transformed into an actual career. The little company I was freelance copyediting for didn't have quite enough for me to do, so the nice lady I worked for recommended me for a Real Job on the staff of a medical series put out by a Major Publishing Corporation. I now have my very own cubicle, a decent salary, and for the first time ever, fabulous medical and dental coverage. I get paid sickdays and holidays. I have a 401(k) and a Roth IRA. I'm practically a grownup. The people I work with are pleasant but not bothersomely friendly (yeah, I'm not a people person). I adore my boss. Nobody cares what I do with my time as long as all the work gets done. But the work... the work is mind-numbingly dull. I look at medical journal articles all day. Sometimes something entertaining comes along, like the issue we did by a bunch of Brazilian plastic surgeons on the subject of cosmetic butt implants. Mostly, though, it's just dull.
    So what about the librarian thing? I haven't taken a class towards my degree in six months. I haven't decided what I want to do with it. I already make more money in publishing than many people with years of experience in library work get, and I'm on the low end for salary in my field. And, to be honest, I didn't like much of what I found in library school. I loved the research techniques classes, and technical services classes, and anything to do with the nuts-and-bolts of library work. What I couldn't stand was the "careerist" speeches all my teachers gave. Apparently, librarians are a ferociously insecure lot. It's not all about cardigans and shushing people, they said, librarians can be hip and young, too! So hip and young that they can talk endlessly about how misunderstood they are as a profession, and how underpaid, and how unappreciated their work is, how librarians have an image problem... really, bitter and unpleasant stuff.
    Well, I like the cardigans, and I was looking forward to shushing people, and I am neither hip nor young. I am also not bitter and unpleasant most of the time. In publishing, I work around cheerful, comeptent, hardworking people. We might be underappreciated and I have no idea what our professional image is, but we don't actually care, because we get paid instead. I think that we don't have a professional image because there is no journal out there dedicated to journal publishing. No one pretends that this is an academic discipline, and we're all just fine with that.
     However - I like library work. I got to do some technical services work in school, and I loved it. I also got to work in a museum archive and would happily go live there if I could - provide me with food, housing and medical care and I would sign myself over as a slave . It feeds my soul in a way that my current career does not. The idea of doing what I do now for the rest of my life feels wretched.

My real goal in life is to get out of the city and back where I belong. I belong in the middle of nowhere, with a flock of sheep and some horses and a few big woofy dogs and a garden. Library jobs are scarce in those places. Publishing work can be done from any place with a live Internet connection. I tell myself that from every practical perspective, publishing is the right choice and it would be a waste of a LOT of money to finish the library degree. This is what I tell myself. Repeatedly.

If I had two lives, though, in one of them I would get my MLIS, get a job at Penn and work towards my PhD in Classics while working in Van Pelt library. I would then be set as a subject specialist bibliographer, and could find work in a quiet academic setting handling a serious research collection on the ancient world. Meanwhile, the other me would move to a big spread in New England, raise Icelandic sheep and ride her horse while reaching new heights of genius in composting and self-sufficiency. Which me is me?

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QotD: Favorite Poem

nobody@vox.com(Nettle) — Sat, 17 Feb 2007 09:35:27 -0800

What is one of your favorite poems?
Submitted by marvel is my pen name.

I do not have a favorite poem - it would be like having a favorite food; so many are luscious and wonderful, how could anyone pick just one? Below is one that I love, and one that I remembered after hearing recently of the death of another famous blonde.

I have come to claim Marilyn Monroe's body

by Judy Grahn

I have come to claim Marilyn Monroe’s body
for the sake of my own
dig it up
hand it over
cram it in this paper sack
hubba hubba hubba

Look at those luscious long brown bones
that wide and crusty pelvis
ha ha
oh she wanted so much to be serious
but she’ll never stop smiling now
has she lost her mind
Marilyn be serious
they’re taking your picture

And they’re taking the pictures of
eight young women in New York City
who murdered themselves for being pretty
by the same method as you
the very next day after you
I have claimed their bodies too
they smile up out of my paper sack
like brainless Cinderellas

the reporters are furious
they are asking me questions
what right does a woman have to Marilyn Monroe’s body?
and what am I doing for lunch?
ha ha they think I mean to eat you
their teeth are lurid and they want to pose me
leaning on the shovel, nude
don’t squint
but when one of the reporters comes too close
I beat him
bust his camera with your long smooth thigh
and with your lovely knuckle bone
I break his eye

Long ago you wanted to write poems
Be serious, Marilyn
I am going to take you in this paper sack
around the world, and
write on it: —the poems of Marilyn Monroe—
Dedicated to all princes,
the male poets who were so sorry to see you go,
before they had a crack at you.

They wept for you
and also they wanted to stuff you while
you still had a little meat left in useful places
but they were too slow.

Now I shall take them my paper sack
and we shall act out a poem together:
“How would you like to see Marilyn Monroe,
in action, smiling, and without her clothes?”
We shall wait long enough to see them make familiar faces
and then I shall beat them with your skull.
hubba. hubba. hubba. hubba. hubba.

Marilyn be serious
today I have come to claim your body for my own

from
Edward the Dyke and Other Poems
Oakland Women’s Press Collective; 1ST edition (1971)

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nettle’s blog

*sigh*

QotD: I Knew You Were Going To Ask That

QotD: Three Wishes!

All the charm of a scholarly work, with the scholarship of a popular history

There is nothing wrong with me.

QotD: First Celebrity Crush

Avalon Within

internet fast!

What do I want to be when I grow up?

QotD: Favorite Poem

sigh